Heyy all, Vice President of Loser Club at your service. :)
Considering that our honorary president has recently concussed himself on a lamppost, and is therefore in no condition to attempt any publication activities of any sort, it is my duty as Vice-President to take over temporarily so as to ensure that the club does not wallow in the dark abyss of inactivity.
To start off, I shall update on the various sub-divisions that the Loser Club has come up with, so as to cater to as much of our consumers as possible.
1. The 'Omg-shit-I-failed-Mathes/Math' Division'.
This division of the Loser Club is highly prestigious, and therefore we have deliberately made the entry requirements as stringent as possible. The pre-requisites are as follows
- Must be able to fail 70% of their Mathes/Math test in any given year, irregardless of the standard or level of the educational institution the student is/was based in, or the difficulty of the test itself. Candidates whom have failed their 2007 end-of-years will be given top priority.
-Must be able to enter Mathes/Math lessons and come out of it thinking 'O shit, I juz stoned/slept thru the entire lesson. O well, i dun really give much of a shit'. Or alternatively, you can come out of the lesson worried about your performance, and attempt to mug, but end up failing anyway. If so, we will take you in as a member IMMEDIATELY.
-Must have the ability to self-initiate a blank out whenever coming into contact with numbers of any sort.
-Must have an intense dislike/phobia for the subject.
As can be seen, while 4 is easy to accomplish, the other 3 above it are far from mundane abilities that can be achieved through strength of mind and will alone. One must have the innate potential to screw up their Mathes/Math, and that is what we are looking for. HAHA that means you can't join, LC. You can go s*ck my B*LLS!!
2. The 'Watching-the-grass-grow-is-so-interesti
A significantly easier and less demanding division to enter. Basically, activities the division will be involved in, would be, as the name implies, watching the grass grow. It is an immensely satisfying and educational activity, as one would be able to observe the slow growth of the greenery for themselves, whilst admiring their spirit of not yielding to anything which may obstruct their growth.
Anyone can apply for this division, although we must tell you that those with the ability to stone will be held in much higher regard then the rest of the members. We have already identified the potential 'stoners' through various observations and detailed experimentation carried out in the lecture theatres or auditorium; however their identities shall remain hidden so as to ward off any assasination attempts, in lieu of the not-so recent incident in which Benazir Bhutto was murdered secretly via a combination of random objects, some of which include an alarm clock, an eye-patch, and a wooden toothpick.
So concludes the update on the various divisions we have set up. Rest assured that the Loser Club will come up with more random and dumb divisions to engage you stupid retards more of the student population.
Now, I shall brief all current existing members on the club activities, which will take place at random times and random locations next week.
1. Find the longest queue in the canteen, queue right up to the front, then head back to the end of the queue, and re[peat the process (Chang Peng I know you've been wanting to do this all your life).
2. Attempt to rob Chejian or Xiang jie of the Newsweek/Ares pullover money. Take extra caution to ensure that you end up being beaten up. Promotions will be considered for members whom end up in a corner of the toilet crying silently.
3. Point at the people throwing frisbees around the school and shout out the most vulgar and crude comment you can think of. All languages are acceptable.
So concludes the updates on the Loser Club 2008. Please know that should you wish to apply for membership into the Loser Club, you would only have to approach either Chang Peng or yours truly, Shen Hong.
So now, LOSER CLUB UNITE!! WOOSH!
Loser Club 2008
'We are the stepping stones that people step on to climb to greater heights.'
posted by 08A10 at
6:34 PM
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